reorganize your priorities to expect more sympathy.

12:13am: i'm moving.
http://travisdoyle.livejournal.com

11:51am: I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.

4:43pm: i've finally calmed down. nick and i both realized that we value each other more than we value any girls. so while i still don't know what will happen, it isn't as big of a deal to me anymore. they're two of my bestfriends, and i plan on keeping it that way. livejournal is such a good way to get my stress out, because i know like 2 people read this at the most. whatever happens, happens. i'll be fine either way, i think.

7:45pm: i don't know what i'm getting myself into.

6:39pm: i hope everything goes well tonight.

i still want to be friends.

10:29pm: dear livejournal...
very little good has came out of the past couple days.

my friends are pissed at each other. people are pissed at me. i'm pissed at people. my girlfriend broke up with me. i started smoking again. my friends are sad. everyone's been in a bad mood. i'm in a bad mood.



i dreamt of a fever, one that would cure me of this cold, winter set heart with heat to melt these frozen tears and burned with reasons as to carry on. Into these twisted months i plunge without a light to follow but i swear that i would follow anything if it would just get me out of here. and so you get six months to adapt, and then you get two more to leave town. in the event that you do adapt we still might not want you around. and i fell for the promise of a life with a purpose but i know that that is impossible now. and so i drink to stay warm and to kill selected memories because i just can't think anymore about that or about her tonight. i give myself three days to feel better or i swear i'll drive right off a fucking cliff because if i can't make myself feel better then how can i expect anyone else to give a shit. and i scream for the sunlight or a car to take me anywhere, just get me past this dead and eternal snow. because i swear that i am dying, slowly but its happening and if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere, just take me there and lie to me and say it's going to be alright. its going to be alright, yeah you worry too much kid, its going to be alright.

1:50pm: haste the day is tomorrow and i'm weirdly excited about it. hopefully i get to hang out with danielle in the coming days so we can exchange presents.

christmas was our one month. i can't believe that it's already been that long. everyday keeps getting better. she'll be sixteen on jan. 30th and gets her license on march 1st, and that's when it'll really get awesome. all of my friends love her too, so that's definately a good thing. she makes me smile.

i dont know exactly what my new years plans are yet, but i have some ideas.

i want to hang out with some of you kids more (ie. laura). call me.

9:30pm: she said she'd never seen someone so lost, i said "i'd never felt so found."

3:43am: everybody come to logos on friday and hang out with me and meet my amazing girlfriend.

it'll be worth your time, i promise.


all i do is smile anymore.

3:25am: danielle's the most amazing girl i've ever met.

9:20pm: i was going to go through and make every past entry friends' only. but you know what, i'm not going to let one person who reads something, doesnt understand, and just makes assumptions based on what they dont understand ruin it for everyone that reads this that doesn't have a livejournal.

if you don't know me have no motivation to talk to me and clear up things that you dont quite comprehend, then don't read this. period.

and quit making up rumors and getting kids in trouble.


thanks.

5:39am: i wish that i wasn't so shy and awkward. seriously. i mean, occasionally it's cute, but i hate being so nervous around people that i dont really know. tonight, for example, i was with danielle. i'm shy around her, but not "nervous", persay. however, all night, i couldnt stop fidgeting and shaking. and i hate that, because we seriously could've had much more fun if i was social. i'm not asking to be extremely outgoing, just to be able to meet somebody new and be able to string together an intelligent conversation. i'll do my best to work on it, but i dont know how.



she still makes me giddy.

5:37am: if you're sick of hearing about this, then take me off of your friends list.

because i have an amazing girlfriend. and i'm going to keep talking about it.

:)

6:41am: i wouldn't trade this feeling for anything.


:)

2:57am: this has me really hopeful for the future.

i fucking love life right now.


please hurry, january 30th.

1:41pm: how i feel changes with every day.
i'll figure it out eventually.

but either way, this will be a good thing.

9:27am: everything about last night was fucking amazing.

6:47pm: i always want to update this, but i never know what to say.
my blogging skills have really gone downhill.

i'm really happy with my life right now, aside from school.
my friends are amazing, and i've met some amazing new ones too.

school, on the other hand, is terrible.
i hate all but like 2 of my classes. and i'm dropping a few at the end of the semester, so hopefully it gets better.

i was a bad employee yesterday, i should work on that.

minus the bear and bright eyes this weekend.
ed gein and murder by death next.
life's looking upward.

remind me to update this more often.

6:07pm: http://www.whitelanddq.com

amazing.
first we get a credit card machine, and then a website. what's next, a drive-thru?!

9:30pm: i've been doing the same thing every day. i really need some change. a change in scenery, a change in people, something.

i'm pretty sure this weekend could be horrible. and by this weekend, i mean saturday. jesus is preventing me from seeing my bestfriend. i dont appreciate this.

if i havent talked to you recently, i want to. please. i need to get reacquainted with old friends.

there are so many people that i miss. i used to always be there for my friends. i dont know what the fuck happened to me.

3:39pm: today's my first day at work.
i'm tired as fuck.
and i have a test at 7:00 tomorrow morning.


that's it.

1:09pm: "I'm thinking of quitting drinking again. I know i've said that a couple of times, and i'm always changing my mind. Well, i guess i am. But there's this burn in my stomach and there's this pain in my side and when i kneel at the toilet and the morning's clean light pours in through the window, sometimes I pray I don't die. I'm a goddamn hypocrite."

11:38am: last night was the scariest night of my life.
i had fun up until the emergency room.

let's not do that ever again.

5:23pm: i hate my life, but i finally feel inspired.

i hate these things:
1. franklin, indiana.
2. secrecy.
3. lack of communication with friends.


these are the things that are inspiring me:
1. my bestfriend.
2. cloves.
3. tilly and the wall and coco rosie.
4. meeting part of my BHC family.
5. Not Waving but Drowning by Stevie Smith.



i want to hang out with each and everyone of you. please get ahold of me.

8:42pm: my parents are leaving tomorrow morning (thursday) and won't return until sunday night. that means, 3 nights home alone. oh the possibilities.

come have a slumber party.